Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
