he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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