I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
