woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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