nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
