if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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