we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
