I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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