What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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