he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
