My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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