Kiss
Puke
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
only you would photoshop your dick
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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