You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
