two words: eviction party
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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