is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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