Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
