my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
