phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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