Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
