you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
