In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
