If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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