I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
