I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
