dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
