Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
