I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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