Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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