His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
