The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
