My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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