so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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