Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
