he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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