I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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