I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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