He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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