i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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