I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Text me some of your sweat
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
