it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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