I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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