you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
