it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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