How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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