Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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