I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
