My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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