After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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