This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
