I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
