My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
