I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
