Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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