I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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