He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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