That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
